i just have to say this. i have never felt like this before. and probably will not either. ever. this is what you pay, when you give yourself the privilege of true feelings. they don't exist in the way we wanna believe in them. cause it's too good to be true. so let's stay at this ordinary suffering state. now and forever. i, at least, can gather so many feelings of the other people, who somehow admire me now matter what, always and forever. if you have everything, why should you look for perfect? right?!?!